Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I can count

Why can’t the British eat or drink anything unless they place a table cloth on the table first?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I have a reading level above third grade

Have you ever witnessed political correctness harm someone?

I actually pay taxes

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

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I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

Why would a spouse cheat if the marriage is good?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

What are the types of values?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

What should I do if a girl whom I love asks me to be her friend?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

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Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

What toxic behavior has been normalized by society?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for traitorism

Transportation chief seeks to weaken fuel economy standards, calls Biden-era rule ‘illegal’ - AP News

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I understand how hurricane paths work

What is the happy reality of our generation?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I can read

I see through liars

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t buy bullshit

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t cotton to rapists

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday